We all have our triggers, those little things that set us off without fail. For me, it's when my husband utters those well-meaning but aggravating words, "take a deep breath." It's like a red flag to a bull, instantly sending me over the edge. Despite his good intentions, it only fuels the fire, pushing me further into frustration.

Similarly, my autistic teenage granddaughter has her own battle with well-intended advice. For years, she's been told to "take deep breaths" to calm her emotions. All the experts tell her its the thing to do. But we both know it's like trying to douse a wildfire with a water pistol. It just doesn’t work. What truly helps her is her unique way of self-regulating: twirling her hair, pacing, sometimes even chewing on the ends of her hair. It's her form of stimming.

Stimming, as we've learned, is a way for individuals to cope with intense emotions or sensory overload. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. For my granddaughter, stimming is her lifeline, her tool for finding balance amidst chaos. Yet, despite its harmless nature, she's often met with well-meaning but misguided advice to stop.

To all those who feel compelled to intervene: please, spare us the unsolicited advice. Her stimming isn't hurting anyone, least of all herself. So, before you rush to remind her to stop, consider your own habits. We all have our quirks, our methods of self-regulation. Do you like to tap your fingers, chew on your pen? Perhaps it's time we all embrace our stims and recognize that what works for one may not work for another.

Taking a deep breath isn't always the answer. Maybe it's time we all find our own path to self-regulation, without judgment or interference.