But you don’t look autistic…

I struggle with why people seem to want to comment on the appearance of others. The comment “but she doesn’t look autistic” is something we have heard about our granddaughter for years. While this is a seemingly innocent statement, it is rooted in a misunderstanding of what autism truly entails. It reflects a common misconception that autism can be easily recognized based on outward appearance or behavior. That we can simply look at someone and determine if they are autistic. However, the reality is not so black and white. Sometimes it’s not even a shade of gray.

Autism is a spectrum disorder, and this means that it manifests differently in each individual. Some people on the spectrum may exhibit more visible characteristics, such as repetitive behaviors or difficulties with social interactions, while others may present with less obvious characteristics. For individuals on the spectrum who don’t exhibit obvious traits, this can lead to misconceptions and challenges.

Being Nana to a teenager on the spectrum has given me some insight that not everyone is privileged to have. I have been able to see the world through my granddaughters eyes. Her perspective has taught me to appreciate the beauty in differences and to approach life with empathy and understanding. Not everyone is the same in this world. That’s okay. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. It's taught me that autism isn't something to be hidden or ashamed of, but rather, it's a fundamental aspect of who my granddaughter is, shaping her experiences and contributing to the world at large.

But the phrase, "You don't look autistic," highlights a broader issue within society's perception of autism. The implication is that there is one stereotypical image of autism. That implication fails to account for the vast diversity within the spectrum. It reinforces the harmful notion that those who don't fit this narrow mold are somehow less deserving of understanding and support.

As Nana to my sweet girl, I strive to challenge these misconceptions and promote acceptance and inclusion. I've had a ringside seat to see just what these misconceptions can do. Let’s create a world where every individual, regardless of their neurological makeup, is valued and celebrated for who they are.

So, the next time you encounter someone who doesn't fit your mold of what autism "looks like," I urge you to pause and reconsider. Autism isn't always visible to the naked eye, but its impact is profound and encompassing. Instead of focusing on outward appearances, let's shift our attention to promoting understanding, empathy, and acceptance for all individuals on the spectrum.

In the end, it's not about how someone looks or behaves; it's about recognizing and appreciating the inherent worth and dignity of every human being, regardless of his or her neurology.

Because everyone deserves a seat at the table.